Very very Impressive Questions and Answers.....
Question 1: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night,
it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:
An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to,
knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?
He simply answered:
"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside the Box."
Question 2: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"
The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"
Question 3: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.
Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.
Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked
Question 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate.
Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?
Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"
He got selected.
You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.
(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)
Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"
Question 5: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview.
Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."
Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table.
Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table,
then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.....
And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ........
This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....
Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really
difficult question.
Think well before you make up your mind!" A boy thought for a while and
said,"my choice is one really difficult question." "Well, good luck to
you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first,
Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the
correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's
the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked,
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult
question!" He was selected for IIM!
"Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the
mastery of simplicity.. ..
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Look at the Other Side.......
A Father was reading a magazine and his little daughter every now and then distracted him. To keep her busy, he tore one page on which was printed the map of the world. He tore it into pieces and asked her to go to her room and put them together to make the map again.
He was sure she would take the whole day to get it done. But the little one came back within minutes with perfect map... When he asked how she could do it so quickly, she said, "Oh... Dad, there is a man's face on the other side of the paper... I made the face perfect to get the map right." she ran outside to play leaving the father surprised.
Moral of the Story:
There is always the other side to whatever you experience in this world. This story indirectly teaches a lesson. i.e. whenever we come across a challenge or a puzzling situation, look at the other side... You will be surprised to see an easy way to tackle the problem.
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You should see a man's face and also a word...
If you take a look at the following picture, let me tell you .... it is not animated. Your eyes are making it move. To test this, stare at one spot for a couple seconds and everything will stop moving. Or look at the black center of each circle and it will stop moving. But move your eyes to the next black center and the previous will move after you take your eyes away from itWeird ?
Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."
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This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
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Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."
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From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."
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Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"
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An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
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A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
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Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
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Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
----------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
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Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
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A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.
With thanks
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Top 22 things an Indian does after returning to In
22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
19. Sprays duo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
4. Looks speciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
Ultimate one:
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
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Bhola Ji
1. Bholaji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
2. Bholaji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Patna?"Just a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says Bholaji and hangs up
3. Bholaji : "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Herolal : "No, who wrote it?"
4. Q: So this Bholaji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he must be thinking ?
A: "Saala aaj bhi girna padega..."
5. Q: Why did Bholaji stare at the frozen Orange Juice Can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
6. Q: What did Bholaji do when his wife gave birth to twins?
A: He is out looking for the other man.
7. Q: Why does Bhola always smile during lightning storms?
A: He thinks his picture is being taken.
8. Bholaji was brought to court on charges of Drunken Driving.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge
pounded the gravel on his table and shouted,"Order,order."
Bhola immediately responded, "Thank you , your honour, I'll have a scotch
and soda."
9. Bhola and Herolal are in a railway station.
"Can I take this train to Patna?" asks the first.
"No," answers the RR man.
"Can I?" asks the second.
10. The doctor told Bholaji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300
days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Bholaji called the
doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem."What's the
problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms away from my home now."
11. This Bholaji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon, kya
baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai".
Bholaji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin
voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
Suicide Bomber
Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.
Manmohan Singh to Bush – We are sending Indians to the moon next year.
Bush – Wow! How Many?
Manmohan Singh - 100 25 - OBC 25 - SC 20 - ST 5 - Handicapped 5 - Sports Persons 5 - Terrorist Affected 5 - Kashmiri Migrants 9 - Politicians / Freedom fighter / Govt. Emp. and if possible 1 – Astronnaut
WHAT IF: You find a snake in your bathroom
You're in a hurry, tell him to make it quick!
Give him a towel, so he doesn't remain S-naked
Ask him if he has an Orkut profile
Make him bite you after exposing him to radiation. You'll become Snake-Man
Ask him how he manages to press Ctrl+Alt+Del when his PC crashes
Show him the Snake Game on your cell and ask him to enact it live
Ask him for an autograph as he is very popular at Diwali time for 'Saanp ki Goli'
Compare his size to Anaconda's and laugh at him
Laugh at how he was used in the Sonu Nigam starrer 'Jaani Dushman'
Challenge him to an arm wrestling match
Run away before he bites you.
HOW TO: Fight like Aamir Khan in Ghajini
Take off your shirt and start growling like a wild beast
Use anything and everything you find around you as a weapon, even your younger brother
Be creative. Distract your opponents with your trivia tattoos
Flare your nostrils like you do when you smell the pizza
Always keep your sleeves rolled up to expose your biceps
Behave like Symonds would if Harbhajan hits him for six sixes in six no-balls
Punch so fast, you cause a sonic boom and shock wave
Sting like a butterfly, move like a bee... or is that the other way around?
Start watching Fight Club. The hindi Fight Club with Sohail Khan will get your blood boiling
Don't be a perfectionist. You'll forget your plan for your calculated attack
********************************************************
WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY...? ??
We are like this only so true,very true........ .....
1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2.. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
3. You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.
5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.
6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.
7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini..)
8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere, close to their real names.
9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed.'
10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
12. HIGH PRIORITY ***** You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch. *****
13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think.
14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions, which never happen.
15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
16.. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff)
19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).
23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.
28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.
30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than 600 people.
34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
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It's my Town - City of lakes - the GREEN CITY - BHOPAL
WAH WAH Bhopal...
Woh New Market ka sama, woh Brijwasi ki chaat,
Woh Top n Town ki ice cream, Wah usme thi kuch baat.
Woh Milan sweet ki mithai, woh ICH ka dosa,
Woh MP Nagar ki pav bhaji aur Brijwasi ka samosa.
Woh Madiwali Bus ka saffer, woh Piplani ki hawa,
Woh BHEL Park ki raunak aur Saket ka sama.
Woh January ki kadake ki sardi, woh baarishon ke
mahiney,
Woh garmi ki chuttiyan, jab chute te they paseeney.
Woh holi ki masti, woh doston ki toli,
Woh diwali ke patakhe aur janmashtmi ki roli
Woh Lahrake Bike par Nikalna aur woh Cricket ka khel,
Woh ghar ki chhat pe nahana aur Saket nagar ke ladkon ka panchvati pe mail.
Woh Jahangirabad ka mahol, Woh Badi Jheel se ati thandi leheren
Woh Sunday ko Jheel ka nazara, Wah uske kya kehene.
Woh Old Bhopal ki galiyan , woh Geetanjali ki ladkiyan.
Itna sab keh diya par dil kehta hai aur bhi kuch kahoon
Wo shehar hain mera apna, jiska naam hai Bhopal
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*******************************************************
Did I read the sign right?
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE , BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
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It's a Truth
Before Marriage .... ..
Boy : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl : Do you want me to leave?
Boy : NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Of course! Over and over!
Girl : Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy : NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl : Will you kiss me?
Boy : Every chance I get!
Girl : Will you hit me?
Boy : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl : Can I trust you?
Boy : Yes.
Girl : Darling!
After Marriage ...... SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP !!!
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U can smile after reading this..
I bet u can't stop laughing,
after reading this
A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. what is your problem?'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'
Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'Boy.: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'Boy.: '36'.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'
Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.
Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.
Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'
Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'
Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
'Send this Boy to
IIM AHMEDABAD,
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'.
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Sade dosto k liye
MAST RAHO.....KHUSH RAHO.....;)
Zindagi hai choti, har pal mein khush raho...
Office me khush raho, ghar mein khush raho...
Aaj paneer nahi hai, dal mein hi khush raho...
Aaj gym jane ka samay nahi, do kadam chal ke hi khush raho...
Aaj Dosto ka sath nahi, TV dekh ke hi khush raho...
Ghar ja nahi sakte to phone kar ke hi khush raho...
Aaj koi naraaz hai, uske iss andaz mein bhi khush raho...
Jise dekh nahi sakte uski awaz mein hi khush raho...
Jise paa nahi sakte uski yaad mein hi khush raho
Laptop na mila to kya, Desktop mein hi khush raho...
Bita hua kal ja chuka hai, usse meethi yaadein hai, unme hi khush raho...
Aane wale pal ka pata nahi... sapno mein hi khush raho...
Peter Scotch Nahi To Kya Hua Royal Stag Main Hi Khush Raho…
Haste haste ye pal bitaenge, aaj mein hi khush raho
Zindagi hai choti, har pal mein khush raho
*************************************************************************
GLASS OF MILK
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instea d of a meal he asked for a drink of water! . She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?'
You don't owe me anything,' she replied. 'Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness.'
He said ..... 'Then I thank you from my heart.'
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hos pital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.
He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words .....
'Paid in full with one glass of milk'
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: 'Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands.'
There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?
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Horrer story
This happened about a month ago near Lonavala.
A guy was driving from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new
expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and
when
he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from
nowhere.
Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to
get a
lift to the nearest town. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's
wet
and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the rain is so
heavy
he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next
to
him - without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in.
Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved
him
- when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine,
the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a
curve coming.
Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life.
He
hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand
appears through the window and moves the wheel!
The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next
bend.
The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every
time
they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get
the
car around each bend.
Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches
open
the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as
hard
as he can towards the lights. It's a small town.
He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he
starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through.
There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking .....
.
.
.
.
.
.
....and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa
points
and says "Look Banta - that's the weird guy who got into our car when we
were pushing it."
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LOVE in MATHEMATICS
A LOVE LETTER FROM A FAMOUS MATHEMATICIAN TO HIS BELOVED
"My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular arden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from
your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a
tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real
roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve
you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.You are as essential to me as an
element of a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would
be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Yours ever loving,
Pythagoras"
************************************************************
ORIGINAL WORDS
This has got to be one of the cleverest WORDS I've received in a while. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE
PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROO M
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
*****************************************************************************
THIS MESSAGE I GOT FROM MY FRIEND I THOUGHT I SHOULD SHARE THIS POEM TO MY FRIENDS SPECIALLY CHEMISTRY LOVERS
ENJOY
Na Chemistry Hoti Na Love Hota
Na Chmistry hoti na main Student hota
Na ye Lab hoti Na Ye Accident Hota
Abhi Practical main ayee nazar Ek Larki
Sundar thi Naak Us ki Test Tube Jaisi
Baton main Us ki Glucose ki Mithas thi
Sanson main Ester ki Khushboo bhi sath thi
Aankhon se jhalakta tha kuch is Tarah ka Pyaar
Bin Piye hi ho jata hai Alcohol ka Khumar
Benzene sa hota tha Uski Presence ka Ehsaas
Andhere main hota tha Radium ka Ahsas
Nazrain mileen, reaction hua
Kuch is tarah Love ka Production hua
Lagne lage Us ke Ghar ke Chakkar aise
Nucleus key charon taraf Electron hon jaise
Us din hamare Test ka Confirmation hua
Jab us ke daddy se hamara Introduction hua
Sun kar hamari baat wo aisay Uchal pari
Ignesiun Tube main jaise Sodium Bharak
uthe Wo boli, Hosh main aao, Pahchano apni Auqat
Iron mil nahin sakta kabhi Gold ke saath
Ye sun ker Tuta hamare Armanon Bhara Beaker
Aur hum Chup rahay Benzaldehyde ka Karwa Ghoont pee ker
Ab us ki yadon ke siwa hamara Kam chalta na tha
Aur Lab main hamare Dil ke siwa kuch jalta na tha
Zindagi ho gayee Unsaturated Hydrocarbon ki Tarah
Aur ham phirte hain Awara Hydrogen ki Tarah
********************************************************************************
Girls profiles taken from matrimony sites
Ultimate.... ......... ....I bet u can't stop laughing. These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi . com These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...
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- Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..Thanks yours Regards Sowmya
~*~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Wut Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast (by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION 3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing {laughing})
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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
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i am pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?)~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes (height of desperation! )
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i am kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.(No comments)
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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ... (but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service. (Zebra..???)
1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.
2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.
3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.
4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.
5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.
8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...
12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.
14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .
16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing..
18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.
19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.
20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
Ø Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Ø Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Ø Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
Ø Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Ø Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for violating your airspace".
Ø Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
Ø Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Ø Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Ø Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Ø Drum on every available surface.
Ø Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ø Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Ø Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Ø Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Ø Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
Ø As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ø Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Ø Sing along at the opera.
Ø Ask people what gender they are. Laugh loudly after their answer.
“Priya, I’m Leaving,” says Raj as he leaves for work. She runs out but he is already gone. She spends the whole day assuming that Raj left annoyed because he spoke with authority & left without waiting for her. She does not make time to check & things go worse in that silence.
Often you end up sharing such a frame with family, boss or friends in a lifetime, little realizing the magic of communication & the need to bring clarity. But as a day’s activity if you sit to make a list of miscommunications you have had, you will end up writing down at least five. It might be something the milkman said or the best friend pointed out. In other words, how often do you misinterpret what has been said or done, just because you do not know how to communicate properly or got the other person terribly wrong ?
In the end you make assumptions based on your own, perhaps in a narrow perspective & not take into account what others might be feeling or thinking. Even, you forget the fact that they have had a bad day or they were lost in thought so they failed to respond to you or did not think before they spoke. There are many ways in which you can interpret a simple statement by changing the emphasis on a particular word. The slightest change in your tone, facial expression or the body language in general, can find you conveying a totally different meaning to others.
Effective communication is thus all about conveying your messages to other people clearly & unambiguously, and to clear all the air of confusion & conflicts. It is also about receiving information that others are sending to you, with as little distortion as possible & it involves effort from both the sender of the message & the receiver. In fact how to communicate is something you need to learn early on in life & with time you become better & better at it. But if you miss the bus or do not know how to do it properly or get it wrong, it can lead to poor communication throughout the rest of your life. The end result will be, you may get into bad habits of thinking, brooding & hurting yourself & loved ones around you. The discomfort that you feel ends in a suffocating self-imposed silence to avoid conflicts or argument.
Mastering the skills of talking & saying what you feel is important in maintaining good relationships, not only in your personal life but also with the people you interact with at different situations. If you cannot tell someone how you feel, it is not right on your part to expect them to know what is going on. Finally we are just mortal beings, not trained in mind reading. To a great extent, your interpretation of the world around you is dependent on your background, behaviour, customs, practices, beliefs & values; and is also the case of people you communicate with. The roots are so deep in your growing up that it influences the 5Ws & 1 H of Why, What, When, Where, Who & How, you think. Before you end up being myopic & conclude & pass a judgement on people, tell yourself to get a clear picture.
Once you have decided to open up as a primary rule, lock your ego in the shelf & and accept what others have to say, think or feel about what you said; & when this reality bites do not be judgemental. Time has always been a healer & as minutes, hours, days go by, things fall in place. Above all, along with being genuine, be honest too. Also tell yourself, “When in doubt ask to clear the air”. It takes hardly anything if you ask & understand something correctly. At least you can keep the understanding that can arise from the assumption you have made about what has bee said or meant at bay. Again, in communication along with speaking, listening is equally important. But listening should not be for the sake of it. Before you jump the gun, listen to what others are saying. For a while, forget about how you might be feeling, and try putting yourself in their shoes.
Be it the office or home, work or something personal, if you feel the need to say something that is important or bogging you down, squeeze out time to free your mind & then discuss it. At the end of the discussion it should not be more confusion & misunderstanding caused by a cluttered mind. Your existence is as unique as the people around you. While living in harmony the universal principle remains live & let live. Remember, people are not out to get you; if you think something is amiss, give them the benefit of doubt & a chance to clarify. It is easy to spoil relationships but building one is the art of communication.
Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,so make arrangement.
Secretary makes call to Husband: For a week my boss andI will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is goingabroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is givingprivate tution: I have work for a week, so you neednot come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for aweek I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Letsspend the week together.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: This week I amspending my time with my grandson. We cannot attendthat meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my bosshas some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spendthis week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is givingprivate tution: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, myteacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry Ican't give you company.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry thisweek we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .
Just have a look at them and u can't stop yourself laughing........
